Shrink Rap: What Trait Is Way Sexier Than Looks?
Editor’s Note: Dr. Paul Hokemeyer is a part-time local, who lives and works in Manhattan, Malibu, and Telluride. He is a nationally recognized expert on Eastern philosophies, relationships, and emotional healing. A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, he holds a Ph.D in psychology, as well as a doctorate in the law. Dr. Paul also contributes to many prestigious news outlets, including The New York Times, CNN, The Wall Street Journal, Good Morning America, The Today Show, Fox News, Oprah Radio, etc. From time to time he has penned a column, Shrink Rap, for Telluride Inside.. and Out.
Dr. Paul was recently interviewed by one of the nation’s leading consumer website, the stir.cafemom.com, about a trait that is way sexier than looks.
Sorry, Kim K. It’s not twerking underwater that makes you sexier. It’s being helpful.
That’s not just our opinion, BTW. Results of two recent studies published in the British Journal of Psychology suggest an interesting theory: that altruism — aka lending a helping hand without expecting anything in return — leads to more sex. And that’s not (cough, cough) just referring to altruism in the bedroom.
In the first study, researchers asked participants to rate how helpful they considered themselves. Those that ranked themselves handy with the dishes, or the partner that offered to carry the groceries, also reported having more casual sex, more partners, AND more sex within their relationships.
In other words, they were super helpful.
The other study gave participants imaginary money, then asked if they’d be willing to donate it. Perhaps no surprise to researchers, those who were like, “Hell, I’d give it all away!” reported having WAY more sex over the past year than their skinflint-y Scrooge McDuck counterparts.
Interesting? Totally. Nice guys (and girls!) finish first after all. (Insert your own sex joke here.)
But aren’t you curious as to why?
Researchers theorize that altruism is a desirable trait that’s evolved in human beings. Presumably, a smart Cro-Magnon gal would fall head over heels for a man who’s willing to share his cave on a cold and rainy night. But what about now, when looks and status seem to have risen (floated?) to the list of attractive qualities in a partner?
“Altruism is the selfless concern for others, and as this study shows, it is sexy,” notes Paul Hokemeyer, PhD, JD, a licensed marriage and family therapist who practices in Los Angeles, New York, and Telluride, Colorado. “It enables human beings to connect with one another in an emotional and deep way…”
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