Poets’ Corner: Making Connections for Valentine’s (And Other) Days

13 Feb Poets’ Corner: Making Connections for Valentine’s (And Other) Days

Google as I did “Valentine’s Day and online dating,” and one of the first things that came up was an article on eHarmony Advice, “Why Valentine’s Day for Women is Like the Super Bowl for Men,” by Julie Spira, who bills herself as an “online dating expert and bestselling author.”

This weekend is sacred for most American men. It’s showtime as most guys count down the days, hours, and even minutes to their favorite television day of the year, Super Bowl Sunday.

Meanwhile, across the hall, women have their own favorite holiday to think about, Valentine’s Day. With these two major events only weeks apart, it’s become obvious that the Super Bowl for men is revered in the same way as Valentine’s Day is for women. Whether you’re a sports fan or a hopeless romantic, comparing the two will help you understand how important these days are for the opposite sex.

Why do I think the Super Bowl for men is like Valentine’s Day for women? Quite simply, both men and women put all of their emotional energies into these two bigger-than-life events. Often, a woman doesn’t understand why watching two teams trying to score is so important to her guy. He just can’t miss this game. Guys on the other hand, simply don’t understand that if you’re dating a woman and forget to plan something, just anything for Valentine’s Day, you probably won’t get a date with her on February 15th, or shortly thereafter…

Continue reading Julie’s pearls here.

Then take a step back. Julie’s blog assumes you are in a relationship. But what if that is not the case. What if you are a guy and alone with the High Holy of Lovers right around the corner? Then you might want to check out what writer/poet/teacher David Feela has to say on the subject of “Personals.” His poem is laugh-out-loud funny. And oh so true. Especially the punch line.

Personals

The ad required utilitarian words,

as if my life had come down to

selling the human condition.

I tried to keep the metaphorical

out, used unadorned nouns,

stock phrases like

Sixty-year-old seeks…

but immediately I craved

an adjective up front

like Spry or Fun-loving

or even Good-looking.

A few more words might

double the cost but I didn’t

want to come off as cheap,

and an ingenious word might…

Well, as I tried them out,

spoke them aloud to hear

how I sounded to myself,

I suspected they identified

me as stuck up, not the kind

to rouse some strange

woman’s blood, so

I tried for humility, wrote

Lonely or Forlorn—

then tossed the draft

in the trash and started over:

Healthy sixty-year-old seeks

happy companion…

but that didn’t work either.

I was actually horny,

looking for a willing woman

but I couldn’t come right out

and say that, could I?

I’ve read those crafted ads.

People writing outrageous things

to get a rise out of the reader.

I didn’t want my money wasted

being sensational, so I tried for

intriguing but dignified:

Sensitive sixty-year-old 

searching for… but I felt

too much like Charles Darwin

on a quest, and I shuddered

to think of the kind of woman

who saw herself as the Holy Grail.

In half an hour I managed

seven words and only three

were true. I couldn’t simply write

Sixty-year-old…

and I couldn’t just write, Call…

because I might as well have added

…for a good time, and then I’d be

right back to sleazy.

I almost settled for primitive,

thinking that if anyone answered

she’d understand the syllables

thumping like a jungle drum:

Man seeks Woman

except me not Tarzan and Jane

not want to sleep with monkey.

And besides, the world’s got

more complicated than

boy meets girl, people

finding each other in all sorts of ways

that never fully surfaced before

in this dialogue called culture,

and really, isn’t that what we all want?

Someone to answer when we

finally stumble on the right words.